hope

inspiration takes a new form today; the fan breezing my recycling bag suggests i reflect. here i sit, aching in bed, with nothing excerpt the bang in my head, eclipsing the fact that i truly am dead. where i stand today is a dream among nights controlled by terrors. i have found what i've searched for, yet i only want more. definition of "more" escapes me. in a time believed to be reaching enlightenment, my disease tears at my wings. sometimes i wonder if i'm losing. i'm gaining love and lasting friendships, but when the moon shines i drown in the dark. words are my passion, but i can't seem to grasp them. affection, my practice, but i only want solitude. a daisy to those she no longer knows, a thorned rose to those now watching her grow. when i become comfortable, my demon declines. if the sun should shine, my mind looses mine.